Catalina

Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of substance use, sexual content, death, graphic violence, self-harm, and cursing.

Despite her grandfather’s assurances that she will “figure something out” when she graduates, Catalina is “frozen in fear and inertia” when she returns to Harvard in the fall (147). She needs to focus on her thesis, so she takes only two additional classes: Portuguese for Spanish speakers and “Harvard’s famous class on Finnegans Wake” (147). Catalina wants to do something “impractical and extravagant […] under the circumstances,” and taking a semester-long class on a text as “indulgent” as Finnegans Wake feels “like a fuck-you to someone” (148).

For her museum shifts, Catalina is reassigned to the Vault, where the Peabody keeps artifacts not on display, and there are many objects that feel “sinful […] to even lay eyes on” (149). She is assigned to a Brazilian conservator named Isabella, who works on preparing khipus for the Peabody’s upcoming exhibition. She asks Catalina to count boxes of broken pottery shards, and as she works, she is reminded of Robert Bolaño’s 2666, in which he matter-of-factly describes the murders of numerous women in a fictional version of Mexico’s Ciudad Juárez. Catalina thinks that her classmates are partly responsible for “fueling the crisis in Mexico” since they casually buy marijuana on the quad (151). Catalina herself is “part of the same ecosystem” as the murdered women but also part of the same ecosystem as her Harvard classmates, which perpetuates this violence (151). She thinks that counting the pieces of terra-cotta feels “like a sin and a crime and an honor” (151).

To begin their documentary project, Byron sends Catalina a camera, telling her to record herself “doing what comes naturally” (153). Nathaniel learns about Catalina’s immigration status from his father and feels “hurt” that she didn’t tell him. Nevertheless, the two grow closer as Catalina works with Byron. Nathaniel and some of his friends want to start an “anti-capitalist” literary magazine, but Catalina is skeptical. However, it isn’t “a good time to alienate any of the Wheelers” (157), and she doesn’t argue with him too much.

Catalina’s grandfather secures a meeting with Don Luis, a travel agent with an alleged FBI file who helps “broker a relationship between immigrants and police” (158). Catalina takes the bus back to New York for the meeting. In his office, Don Luis explains that he is starting a “new venture” that consists of a kind of insurance plan to help immigrants send their remains back to their home country after death. Francisco announces that he intends to be buried in Ecuador, and Catalina is “hurt and surprised” by this proclamation because she would be unable to visit her grandfather’s remains. She has “no desire to see Ecuador” (160), but this doesn’t stop her from imagining her “grand return” to her hometown with “a white pantsuit” and “a degree from every Ivy League school in the country” (161).

Back in Don Luis’s office, he admits to Fransisco that his chances “aren’t great” and echoes their lawyer’s suggestion that “public outcry” is their best bet. Back in her grandparents’ apartment, Catalina records some videos for Byron. She invents a story about her grandfather stealing her grandmother away on a horse and then tapes herself lip-syncing to Amy Winehouse. She uploads the videos and sends a link to both Byron and Delphine. When Delphine doesn’t respond, Catalina becomes anxious. Her friend finally replies that she worries that Catalina’s tape might seem too “stereotypical.” Delphine is hesitant about the project and suspects that Byron only wants to help Catalina because of an open letter that accused his films of “aestheticiz[ing] and romanticiz[ing] Latin America without showing any awareness of geopolitical realities” (165).

Delphine is committed to ensuring that Catalina completes her thesis, and they are studying in the library when Nathaniel comes in. He and Delphine don’t acknowledge each other, and Catalina sits uncomfortably, unsure if she should introduce them or not. Nathaniel invites her to go skiing in Vermont, promising to teach her when she hesitates. Catalina wonders if she should give Nathanial a “real chance” and falls into a sudden daydream about their life together. She imagines their baby, Nathaniel’s “lewd” eyes on her while she breastfeeds, and nights at hotel rooms where he enjoys watching her become “increasingly uninhibited.” The fantasy ends with Catalina stabbing him in the spleen with her cuticle scissors. Between skiing and making “trauma porn,” Delphine worries that Catalina is changing herself for Nathaniel.

Catalina is excited about the skiing trip but doesn’t confess her excitement to Delphine or Nathaniel. When they arrive, she and Nathaniel have sex immediately, and Catalina worries that Nathaniel will tell her he loves her. Afterward, he falls asleep on top of her, and Catalina feels “painfully reflective.” She sometimes enjoys imagining that many men have thought about her when they masturbated, but she doesn’t like imagining the individual men. She climbs out from under Nathaniel and goes to the Denny’s across the street. She is “desperate to do something [she] could not take back” and sits next to a strange man in a booth (171). She presses her breast against his arm and lets him slide his fingers inside her underwear as she stares silently at her BlackBerry.

Although Catalina agreed to go to Vermont with Nathaniel, she has no intention of actually skiing. She is terrified that it will result in her biggest fear of being paralyzed and “under the care of [her] grandparents” (172). While Nathaniel goes night skiing, Catalina goes to the lodge’s restaurant, where a white family sits next to her. Looking at their blond toddler, she thinks that “the most humiliating part of all of this” is that “[t]he rest of the world is plundered and bombed so rich white people can eat Caesar salad […] and be inane” (173).

Returning to Boston, Catalina waits in the car while Nathaniel stops at a grocery store for snacks. When he comes out, he tells Catalina that he saw the “craziest fucking thing”: a woman using “food stamps” to buy “various, as in more than one, seriously expensive cuts of steak” (174). Furious, Catalina tells Nathaniel that he is “a cliche.” Her family didn’t qualify for food stamps because of their legal status, but she tells Nathaniel that they used them. She calls him an “asshole” and reminds him that the program is called “EBT,” not “food stamps.” Nathaniel complains that the argument is “ridiculous” and tells Catalina to “calm down” and “breathe.” Catalina throws herself out of the moving car. Her face is scratched, but she insists that she is fine and begs Nathaniel to take her home. They drive the rest of the way in silence.

The next morning, Isabella fulfills Catalina’s request to touch a khipu and feel in her hands “the end of an empire and the violent beginning of a new race, a race that [i]s [hers]” (152). It is a funerary khipu, and Catalina thinks about how archaeologists found many of the khipus that the Spanish hadn’t managed to destroy when they unearthed Incan burial sites. It feels “wrong” to touch it.

Catalina avoids emails from her thesis advisor, Professor Sandoval, until she demands a meeting with her. Over coffee, Professor Sandoval gives Catalina a bag of linden flower tea for stress management. She also gives Catalina the phone number of her therapist. Catalina knows she won’t make an appointment because she knows the therapist will blame her mental state on her “dead parents and […] dead uncle,” and she is “too cute and smart and interesting to have been damaged by such low-hanging fruit” (178).

On March 4, Byron and his production team come to Catalina’s dorm room. Filming isn’t technically allowed on campus, but Byron argues that they aren’t filming outside, so they won’t get in trouble. The night before, Catalina can’t sleep, and she wakes up the next morning with a migraine. She stumbles out of bed and steps on her headphones, breaking them. They were Beats from her grandfather, and she feels “a wave of vertigo and deep shame” (179). She vomits twice, brushes her teeth, and lets Byron and the cameraman in. As they are setting up, she excuses herself to the bathroom and takes a few quick gulps of vodka and cranberry that she had “preemptively stashed” there.

As the camera starts rolling, Catalina feels distracted and self-conscious. Byron suggests that they get some shots of her packing up her room, and she sits down to put some of her books into a box. The third book she takes off the shelf is Eduardo Galeano’s Open Veins of Latin America, which was a gift from Nathaniel that Catalina has never read. Byron stops her, saying that he “fucking love[s]” “Venas Abiertas” and gets a few shots of her taking it on and off the shelf. She suddenly drops the book, feeling “trapped in [her] body” and unable to speak (182). She starts to cry as Byron asks her more questions and is finally “rescued” by a dining hall worker who insists that Byron and his cameraman have to leave if they do not have university IDs.

March is rainy, and Catalina often feels unable to speak, so she hides in the Peabody’s Vault “with objects that also d[o] not care to speak” (185). The motion to reopen her grandfather’s case is successfully filed. Catalina is “fully anticipating a miracle” (185), but she also knows that her grandfather might not be there for her graduation, so she invites her grandparents to the opening of the Peabody’s khipu exhibit. Fernanda and Fransisco “love[s] coming to Harvard” and always stock up on Harvard gear, which gives them the “safety” of “nearly universal brand recognition” (186). Fernanda has a “Harvard Grandma” cap that she takes great delight in wearing, and Catalina “suspect[s] people [a]re nicer to her when she w[ears] Harvard gear” (186).

The opening celebration features a Peruvian flute ensemble of poncho-clad men, video installations, and a photo booth with a large khipu. Nathaniel is there, but he and Catalina don’t speak or acknowledge one another. Fransisco walks around the exhibit as if planning on “making an offer to buy it” and stops in a kind of “pensive” “salute” in front of one particular khipu (187). Dr. Murphy gives a speech describing how the mayor of a remote village had contacted her to come look at a khipu that the village had been preserving for generations. She was given “the privilege of touching the khipu” and invites the assembled crowd to join her in imagining the “countless untold stories” that the exhibition holds (188).

That night, Catalina and her grandparents take the bus back to New York together, and Catalina is struck by a “sunny, warm, cozy kind of love” (189).

The next morning, Catalina’s grandfather isn’t in the apartment. It is common for him to go out early for coffee, so Catalina and Fernanda aren’t concerned until the afternoon. Fransisco isn’t answering his phone, and Catalina retreats to her room, where she finds a box on her bedside table. The box contains a note from Fransisco, addressed to his “beloved daughter,” telling her that it is time for him to “return home.” Below this is his chain from military school and a tiny khipu stolen from the exhibition. Catalina gives the note to Fernanda, who goes “absolutely ballistic,” destroying her husband’s possessions and tearing up photos of him. When she has exhausted herself, she sobs in Catalina’s lap. For the first time in her life, Catalina “no longer fe[els] like dying” (191).

Catalina has no idea how or why her grandfather stole the khipu. She wonders if he did it “to fuck with [her]” or if he had understood Dr. Murphy’s speech and “it ate away at him, just as it had [her]” (192).

When the Spanish descended on the Andes, they set to work documenting the history of the Inca Empire even as they were destroying it. This urge to document makes Catalina’s “blood boil,” and she hopes that the khipu code is never broken because there are “consequences to empire” (193).

Byron’s first rough cut of Catalina’s documentary is edited “like a silent film” (193), with many clips of her crying. She is satisfied that she looks “beautiful” but emails him back to explain that she is dealing with a lot and isn’t “in a good headspace to proceed” (193). Byron takes a few days to respond but tells Catalina that he respects her wishes.

Worried that she is “marginally connected to a crime” with the stolen khipu (194), Catalina visits Don Luis. She explains the situation and shows him the khipu. Don Luis suggests that Catalina get rid of the artifact and not tell anyone what she does with it. Leaving his office, Catalina feels “a deep love for the city” (195). She thinks about the Spanish plates that were displayed alongside the khipu. They were decorated with “Chinese and Islamic motifs […] alongside Spanish heraldic symbols,” illustrating “a hodgepodge of influences and references all made possible by violent encounter” (196). It makes Catalina feel hopeful. As she walks, she stops at a street memorial for a young woman. Whenever she sees them, she tries to “memorize” the dead girl’s face. Even though she doesn’t know who the girl is, she knows that “someone put their hands on her” (196).